The thing is you cannot improve or effort yourself into being loved. Yes, this is sold to men, and women, by many industries that make money off this belief. You’ll be loved for who you are by a very finite number of people, no mater how perfect you get externally. Yes, you’ll be admired by many, you’ll be desired by many, many will want to possess you, many will want to be fucked by you, but that’s not love. You’ve become a consumer good that people want to use or be around to gratify their own needs. Nothing wrong with this as long as you are able to see it for what it is, an avenue to fame, popularity and wealth, but keep it all in perspective and don’t allow it to move you off your center or to fool you into believing that’s love.
This is why the best thing to do is to get to know who you truly are, and to become comfortable with that and go beyond that, to love yourself. It’s a cliche, but only once you love yourself, you’ll be able to allow others to love you for who you are, no masks. You won’t feel the need to hide behind masks or bravado or money.
But here is where it gets more complex. Many, once they love themselves, they tell others, oh, if you want to be loved, you have to workout more, or do more of this, etc. Because with loving oneself, one becomes a confident creator, who sees nothing wrong with being clever, and trying to create or “manipulate” the world around them, and those that inhabit it, into how they desire it to be. If you want someone to not develop confidence and step up into their role of co-creator, you tell them just that, or actually, you make them feel that they are not good enough. So take it with a grain of salt whenever someone tells you that you should change, and feel from what place that advice is coming from.
Again, my belief this has been done on purpose to keep most men productive and predictable. Like you said, most will bottle it up, and the energy will use them subconsciously to drive them into work, or actually whatever they feel inclined towards. The more creative, artistic outlets will happen to a lucky few, but again, most will have no idea why. Only when someone is able to correctly identify and verbalize (or in writing) what they are going through, that’s when personal growth happen. But again, with personal growth comes awakening, and also change from within. And this change has been actually unwelcome along the ages, as it leads to seeking and questioning, within and without. Just like an employer, the household and society generally wanted reliable people and fathers and soldiers, that turn up and go to work and back, regularly, daily, not philosophers and empowered people, aware of themselves.
And I think that point of truly stepping into the deep won’t ever come as long as you can shift the noise onto other people. If you can keep chattering your superficial repetitive thoughts and feelings away towards people you’ll never truly process them.